Eric's Outstanding...

And so begins my first post that I’ll surely regret at some point down the road…

I’m feeling many things at this point in my life. I’m feeling stressed, overworked, exhausted, and terrified. I haven’t been sleeping much lately either. I’m so sick of my room and even more sick of where I am. I’m sick of to-do lists, routine, and focusing on this or that. I’m sick of feeling anxious. I hate feeling tired all of the time. Am I depressed? Probably not. But I’m feeling many emotions that i’d rather not be feeling during the ‘happiest time of my life’.

Want some background information before I continue? Thought so.

For those of you who didn’t know, I’m a full time college student who is fully enrolled in online classes (due to my band commitments). I’ve been a full time student while being in TDF since mid-september and it has been a daily battle since. Even in the back of a van, driving up the coast of Japan towards Tokyo, I was hunched over my books and peeking up at the beautiful countryside every other minute. It’s all a balancing act. It’s all about using my time to the best of my ability and really planning ahead. Being a full time student isn’t an easy task. It’s an incredibly demanding commitment that calls for a significant amount of my days attention. Now, you might be asking yourself, “why go to school when you’re in a signed band?” Here is my answer/more background information regarding the situation: I have Crohns Disease. When I wasn’t a full time student and obviously didn’t have a job that offered me health insurance, I was simply out of luck. Not to mention, health insurance companies wouldn’t accept me or would charge me hundreds of dollars for coverage, considering I had a pre-existing condition. Lucky me. 

This is why I’m a full time student and dealing with such an extreme undertaking. It’s for my family. This is one of the best ways I can show my love and support for them. Not to mention, I’m getting an education in the process. Both me and my family are winners… even if it’s consuming much of my time. I ended last semester with a 4.0 (all A’s) which does certainly make me proud of myself.

Away from school, the band is gearing up to earn some real touring credibility in the coming months. This has me feeling many different things. I’m excited to see the country, meet some great people (you?), and experience many amazing things. But this also has me terrified. As beautiful as the open-highway is, there is still a loneliness I tend to feel on the road sometimes. Instead of feeding you bullshit, I’ll sock it to you: The hardest part is knowing you’re being missed by someone you love and who loves you back. I believe that loved ones must always come before ambitions. 

I honestly have no idea what to say. I’ve just been feeling in the dumps lately. Working on school and band tasks all day, falling asleep anxious as hell, and waking up to the same damn emotions in the same damn place every single day. Maybe I just need to escape? Maybe I should look at the glass half-full and believe that the grass is green somewhere? Who knows. I really don’t know. 

I’ll conclude with a quote by my favorite songwriter, Tim Kasher: “I’ve spent the best years of my life, waiting on the best years of my life, so what’s there to write about?”

Cheers to regretting this post sometime in the future, if not tomorrow morning.