Eric's Outstanding...

Valentines day was yesterday. My mom gave me a box of chocolate shaped like a heart and a pair of socks. Consider it a tradition minus the socks. Later on, I went to the grocery store and saw a couple younger than me; the boy was wearing a pink shirt and the girl was wearing a skirt with pink flowers all over it. I bet they went out to a nice dinner that night and all he had on his mind was a slice of poontang pie. Fact is, Valentines day is a shitty day. Those who have a significant other match in pink like weirdos, while those who don’t have a significant other buy a six pack and call it a night.

I don’t want to sound cliche and say, “Valentines day is just a way to sell cards and candy!” but it’s pretty much the truth. Valentines day was only special when I was in elementary school and kids would give each other little cards with candies attached to them. I liked the candy so I liked Valentines day. Maybe I’m not a fan because I don’t receive these little cards and candy hearts anymore. Maybe I should go to an elementary school on V-day with a bag of candy and “I Love You” cards and hand them out to the kids, with hopes of getting some in return…. good idea? (joke). 

How I spent Valentines day: Me and my significant other (@brntgrn) purchased a dozen colossal donuts from Shoppers (glazed, chocolate, white chocolate, blueberry, lemon, and we even snuck an apple-fritter into the box too). We then took our box of donuts and drove to a friends house to hang and meet some of his friends. Coffee was brewing, mouths were chomping on the donuts, and we sat around the table just hanging out. Two girls were there too (not including my own) and they were wearing pink skirts with high-heels. They didn’t want our donuts because they were full from V-day dinner. They didn’t want any coffee either. Those bitches. 

In conclusion, Valentines day is a stupid day. I think February 14th would be much better off as a day were you buy a dozen donuts for your friends, drink some coffee, and talk about whatever around a kitchen table. Maybe next year we can exchange little cartoon cards and candy though. I miss those days. The days when Valentines day was glorious and filled my belly with true Valentine love in the shape of hearts with “Be mine” written in the center.

First person to give me those little heart shaped candies with a cartoon card will get a dozen donuts from me this time next year.