Eric's Outstanding...

Borders Bookstore is most definitely my bookstore of choice. Not only is the environment relaxing but it is also home to my favorite coffee shop (Seattle’s Best). I spend a great deal of my time here studying, drinking coffee, reading, surfing the web (now that they have wifi), and simply hanging with the friends and acquaintances that I’ve made over the years. Yes, all of this is fine and dandy, but the main attraction to Borders is all of the freaks that congregate here. Myself included.

The truth is, at one point in time I was a Barista for Seattle’s Best Coffee. It was during those six months of employment that I met all of the freaks I know and love today. There was an old man, probably in his 70’s, who would arrive to the store at 9AM and leave at 11PM. He’d order a black coffee with a pump of chocolate. He had a sweet tooth. I say “had” because he just recently died. Not of old age like one would expect, but by getting hit by a truck. Strange.

Another man who most definitely was insane, always wore white short shorts and would yell about how Hillary Clinton was the devil. He would never order anything, but would bring a peanut butter sandwich in with him. The crazy man would always talk with his mouth open too. The smell of peanut butter would make me nauseous. I blamed him, obviously. He’d also pee with his pants and underwear down at his ankles. I know this because I once walked into the restroom and saw his pale hairless butt as he was humming a tune.

Another lady always talked about Daytona, FL and how she had plans of going there that week. Like the man above, she never ordered anything. But she always had a pink travel bag with her that had the word ‘Daytona!!’ in large yellow letters across it. I know she never made it to Daytona. I know this because she was a crazy homeless lady that kept all of her belongings in that pink travel bag of hers.

Jake, an employee for Borders, helps customers with locating/purchasing their books. Not much can be said about Jake besides the fact that he speaks like Ned Flanders but is most likely addicted to sex. He smokes three packs of cigarettes a day and has had three or four different wives. To top it off, his shoes always squeak when he walks. Perfect.

Alice, another employee for Borders, helps customers with locating/purchasing their books like Jake. I always assumed Alice was in her mid-40’s, had a family, was overly caffeinated and overly stressed, but that is not the case at all. She’s only twenty-something. I couldn’t really describe anything more about her without sounding like a complete prick. Just take my word for it. It’s almost unbelievable. 

The current workers at Seattle’s Best Coffee are also a bunch of freaks. I love them all though. A few of them play experimental music, do an array of drugs, and listen back to what they’ve recorded while watching sharks swim on a computer screen (while on acid). 

And then there’s me. Usually accompanied to Borders with my partner in crime, Bronte. We walk through the door and are greeted by our friends who work in the cafe (usually the ones that watch sharks swim). They charge us 53 cents for a medium cup of coffee (feeding the addiction!) and we casually talk for quite a while. We then go in circles around the store and look for the right place to sit. Circles, circles, circles, and more circles. Once we find our place, we create our little set up and do our thing for more than a couple of hours. Although we mostly keep to ourselves, we can’t help but notice our surroundings and all of the freaks around us. Those listed above (minus the old man now) and the many I didn’t mention. Also, the one-time freaks who visit just once, but make their presence known. I wonder what the employees of Borders I don’t talk to think of me? I wonder what my fellow freaks think of me? 

I suppose if you’re in a certain place long enough to see the many different people, you can’t help but notice what makes them… different. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that we’re all freaks in our own way. It’s just that some freaks shine brighter than others.